I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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