I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
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It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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