She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
this hospital has no fireball
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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