Only a mothe r could love this liver
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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