i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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