My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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