Your face is a jimmy john
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize