I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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