3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
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eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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