i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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