you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
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... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
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I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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