take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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