it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize