My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize