That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize