I think I won the penis lottery.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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