On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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