then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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