Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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