some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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