he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
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I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
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This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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