It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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