I'm going to jail i love you
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize