I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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