Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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