when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize