is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
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She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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