you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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