Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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