Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize