Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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