I just saw a hot homeless man
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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