Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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