4 words: hood of his car
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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