dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
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I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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