I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize