Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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