Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She's the barista slut.
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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