Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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