eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
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I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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