Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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