I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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