I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
time to smoke my breakfast
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize