I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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