after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
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I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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