Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize