He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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