i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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