My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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