it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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