He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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